How not to take things personally

Taking things personally is a habit that can damage and even end many of our relationships if we nurture it. Why do we do it and what does it even mean?

When we take things personally, it means that we misinterpret someone's thoughts and actions and believe that they are directed at us. People who engage in this type of behavior suffer from low self-esteem and don't particularly love themselves, so it's easy to believe that others are actively trying to harm them.

To stop this behavior, we need to address both the habit itself and the root cause: low self-esteem. Here it is what you should do, to address both:

How not to take things personally

Step 1. Realize that the world is not against you

We can almost certainly guarantee you have met very few people, if you've ever met someone who has decided to use their time to make you feel terrible. It's highly unlikely that your boss gave that promotion to your colleague because he thinks it will affect you that way. It's very likely that your boyfriend didn't go out with another friend of yours last weekend (alone) because they both hate the way you dress or the way you laugh. There are many reasons why people do what they do, but it is unlikely that they are making choices based on what they think of you.

Realize that people have many reasons for their actions that have nothing to do with you. Then and only then will you be able to move forward. If someone is trying to make you feel bad, they will do it loud and clear.

Step 2. Lower your expectations of the world

We are often disappointed by someone because we hold high expectations. Think about the last time when you have accepted something personal. Why did this happen? If you think hard enough, you'll probably conclude that you felt attacked, because someone has not done anything to meet your expectations. But the truth is, people don't think about meeting your expectations all day long. They have their own lives to worry about and it is not possible to make you happy every time.

If someone forgot to pay attention to you when they walked into the room, they didn't do it because they thought you were a terrible person. Lower your expectations of the people around you and you'll see that those moments where you feel personally attacked are only happening in your head.

Step 3. Challenge yourself when you feel threatened or hurt.

Think of yourself as two different people. One side of you takes things personally, and the other is a judge waiting on the sidelines to knock you down when you misinterpret someone's actions. The next time you start to feel threatened or hurt by someone, call the judge in your mind. Ask yourself, did the other person do something to intentionally hurt me? If not, ask yourself why you feel so affected by his actions. What did he do to make you feel the way you did?

Then look at his actions through the lens of an outsider. Consider the possibility that the person's actions have nothing to do with you. Using the example we gave in the previous step, maybe your boss chose to promote someone else in your office because they are the best fit for the job. Maybe your friends decided to go out together because they wanted to improve their relationship.

Once you begin to view the actions of others in this perspective, you will be able to clearly see how wrong you are when you take things personally.

Step 4. Discover the insecurities that surface in these moments.

The insecurities you feel may seem pervasive, but there are usually specific areas where you take things personally. For example, let's imagine that you feel good when you're with your friends and family, but you tend to take things personally when it comes to romantic encounters. Listen to the voice inside you the next time you're worried about your romantic partner's actions. You probably have the same thoughts and say things like, "He must be cheating on me because I'm not attractive enough to keep him."

Listen to the stories you tell yourself and pay particular attention to the segments that resonate with you. These are things that you really believe about yourself – they are also the areas that you will need to target when you start trying to rebuild your self-esteem.

Step 5. Start working on your self-confidence and self-esteem.

It's important to take this step seriously if you want to stop taking things personally. Without confidence and high self-esteem, it is easy to succumb to negative thinking, which makes you feel inferior to the people around you. Now that we've seen how important this step is, let's look at how you can build confidence and boost your self-esteem.

Learn more about why you feel the way you do—believe it or not, there's a reason you say the horrible things you say to yourself. This could be because of your childhood because your parents weren't supportive enough, or it could come from people who bullied you at school. Whatever the reason, identify it and start working on these issues with the help of a mental health professional.

Increase your level of confidence and self-esteem in a healthy and lasting way with Milena Goleva's Confidence and Self-Esteem online course

See also: 10 ways to feel happier right away

Change What You Can, Love What You Can't — Everyone has a part of themselves that they would like to fix or change entirely. For some, it can be a personality trait. These kinds of personal characteristics are much easier to change. Others may want to change a physical part of themselves. These characteristics are much more difficult to change and it may not occur at all. most importantly, which should to remember when trying to become more confident and improve yourself is that you need to change what you can and love what you can't.

Embrace Positivism — Negativism is a necessary and inevitable part of life. What isn't, however, is the negativity you keep inflicting on yourself. Ignore those thoughts that hurt you. Stop engaging in activities that reinforce your negative thoughts. Start focusing on what you love about yourself rather than what you don't particularly love.

Embrace positivity and you will find your confidence.

Look and act confident —

It's hard to be confident if you don't feel confident. Say "enough" to yourself and find clothes that make you feel strong. Start walking upright and keeping your gaze at eye level with the people you pass on the street. Start conversations instead of trying to avoid them. You and the people around you will see this change in behavior, and they will treat you the way you want to be treated.

Set boundaries for yourself and others—

You cannot live without boundaries. It's a great way to let people who will screw you over into your life. It's also an open invitation to run over yourself. Instead of letting people come and tell you what to do, set boundaries. If someone is disrespectful, tell them it's not acceptable. If you don't respect yourself, tell yourself that this is not acceptable. Set boundaries and be assertive. Being respected by yourself and others will boost your confidence.

Take care of yourselves -

If you haven't already, you need to incorporate self-care into your daily routine. What is personal care? It is the act of making sure your own needs are met in all aspects of your life. Start exercising, eating healthy and getting the most out of your life. Your body already knows you're not doing what you need to, and this contributes to your low self-esteem.

Achieving something bigger is in small steps —

Rome wasn't built in a day and your confidence won't be built in a day either. Confidence is built through small, intentional actions as well as small goals. If you're having trouble doing basic tasks, make it a goal to organize a small part of your house today or start taking daily walks. When you see that you can achieve these goals, you'll start to feel more confident that you can tackle your bigger goals.

As we mentioned in step five, you may need to see a mental health professional to address some of the issues behind taking things personally.

Source: Betterhelp.com / Translation: Framar.bg

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