What should you do when you are offended?

What should you do when you are offended?

Have you ever said or done something that hurt someone without meaning to.

To some extent, it's just life. We are all imperfect people, hoping to do everything right to get along with others. But it also seems to me that we live in an increasingly angry world. So many people react strongly about something, demand this or refuse that. They spew angry words at the slightest slight or wrongdoing.

Unsolved problems are bad for us. But there is a proper way to deal with them. You're more likely to get a good result with a softer approach. So whether it's a disagreement you had with family or an issue with a friend, consider these 10 ways to respond when you're offended.

1. Be cautious. Feelings run high, but be careful not to let them dictate how you react. Sometimes the best answer is the lack of one. But if a response is needed, sometimes it's good to wait and take a moment to think about what happened and how you can thoughtfully respond.
2. Be calm. If you go looking for a fight, chances are you'll find it. If you have decided that you need to right a wrong that you feel has been done to you, make sure that you let go of any impulsive feelings that might cloud your thinking and speaking.
3. Be confident. Your attitude will set the tone for the conversation you will have. A "Hey, I'm sure we can work it out" approach is much more appealing to the other person than a "Boy, do you have a problem?" approach.
4. Be conciliatory. Approach the situation and the person with a peacemaking attitude. The breach leaves a rift in the relationship, whether it's between a husband and wife or a friend - make it clear that you want to move past the situation.
5. Be clear. Think about how you want to communicate. It may even help to write down the main points so that they are clear to you. Present your view of what happened simply so the other person can understand you.
6. Be brief. Most people have a hard time taking criticism anyway, and even more so if you have to explain it to them for too long. By being brief, you can help them better hear what you're saying. Don't get sidetracked by side details: "And one more thing, always ..."
7. Avoid rushing to judgement. Share your side of the situation, but be open to hearing theirs as well. Present the facts that are clear, but distinguish motive from intent. Remember that statements beginning with "I" invite, while statements with "You" accuse. So tell them, "I felt hurt when you...", not "You hurt me when..."
8. Be curious. Ask lots of questions instead of just stating the "facts" as you see them. Clarification can change your understanding of what happened or help the other person see how they hurt you. “What did you mean when you said …?” “What were you trying to say when …?” This requires really tuning their words.
9. Be in command. As you seek peace, don't allow yourself to be led astray or rejected. You may need to learn how to resolve conflicts with a passive-aggressive spouse. Asking to reconnect doesn't mean you have to be a doormat. You can be quietly assertive.
10. Be grateful. The purpose of showing someone that they have offended you is not to make them feel bad, but to clear things up between you. When this happens and they apologize or take steps to correct whatever was wrong, be appreciative. Thank them and acknowledge their willingness to make things right.